I Just Be Talking

“You can let the negativity and overstimulation take over, or you can give into the lights and the music. See them as the supportive nightlife accessories they are – massaging stiff muscles and cooing you into release.

I started choosing the latter.”

  • When I first started collecting cash at the door for a DJ here in St. Louis, I was constantly overwhelmed. Flustered by people trying to slip in without paying, the pressure of quick mental math when giving change, or the risk of offending someone whose name wasn't on the list. The lights were loud. The energy was a lot.

    But lately, something has shifted. Doors feel different.

    I’m on a journey to make my multifacetedness work in both my career and lifestyle. Over the last year, I’ve come to realize that getting flustered is a choice. You can let the negativity and overstimulation take over, or you can give into the lights and the music. See them as the supportive nightlife accessories they are – massaging stiff muscles and cooing you into release. I started choosing the latter. And the doors got easier.

    The more I settle into my professional identity, I’m energized by the idea that I never have to be just one thing. What I once called restlessness, I’m now calling multifacedtness. I never thought I could settle into one role, dept or industry but I'm gaining a sense of peace in my intersectionality whereas before I thought it was something too confusing or burdensome to explain and embrace.

    During shelter-in-place, I launched a YouTube channel under the name b.Kori - a pseudonym I’d used for years in my writing but never in such a public way. b.Kori is a creative, a host/entertainer and a builder. Under that branding, I get to step outside of expectations for singularity and be every iteration of myself, without the burnout or the overwhelm.

    Not fully being myself was never a sustainable plan. Neither was letting a moment of overstimulation determine the outcome of a night. I’m enjoying learning when to show up as what and when to let which things go. Despite its reputation for discomfort, I think growth can be easy and even fun.

    Like dancing while you work. 

“I don’t have to look like the room. I don’t have to have the same background or ‘why’ as the people in the room. But when I listen between the words, if I can hear me in the room, it’s my room.”

  • My side-quest lifestyle and type A mannerisms have made life and career a curious battle. I’m blessed to have parents and a support system that breathe life into my curiosity, never stamping it out, and consoling me when my curiosity leads me to a corner I can’t see around.

    Coming from the events world, my experience in tech lived primarily in the physical. Mics, PAs, projectors… I utilized software and I love a good workflow solution, but developing one felt out of reach. When my curiosity started to pull me towards coding and AI, I found myself at a familiar cross-roads: I wanted to try something new and also immediately be an expert at it. I had to pivot. Not off the path that I was headed down, but mentally.

    I could keep getting frustrated with the terms I wasn’t grasping, or I could figure out how to communicate across knowledge bases. I started listening for me. Looking for ways that my expertise could interact and intersect with the new communities and resources I was then engaging with. I was able to find synergy between myself and the world of AI and software development through design and world building. Suddenly this new frontier was so much easier to navigate. It became fun!

    I don’t have to look like the room. I don’t have to have the same background or ‘why’ as the people in the room. But when I listen between the words, if I can hear me in the room, it’s my room. Software development, tech, and AI, was a pivot I didn’t see coming but it taught me that you can’t judge a pivot by how familiar your surroundings are. You navigate pivots by knowing how to find yourself even in the unfamiliar.

“I don’t have to look like the room. I don’t have to have the same background or ‘why’ as the people in the room. But when I listen between the words, if I can hear me in the room, it’s my room.”

  • My side-quest lifestyle and type A mannerisms have made life and career a curious battle. I’m blessed to have parents and a support system that breathe life into my curiosity, never stamping it out, and consoling me when my curiosity leads me to a corner I can’t see around.

    Coming from the events world, my experience in tech lived primarily in the physical. Mics, PAs, projectors… I utilized software and I love a good workflow solution, but developing one felt out of reach. When my curiosity started to pull me towards coding and AI, I found myself at a familiar cross-roads: I wanted to try something new and also immediately be an expert at it. I had to pivot. Not off the path that I was headed down, but mentally.

    I could keep getting frustrated with the terms I wasn’t grasping, or I could figure out how to communicate across knowledge bases. I started listening for me. Looking for ways that my expertise could interact and intersect with the new communities and resources I was then engaging with. I was able to find synergy between myself and the world of AI and software development through design and world building. Suddenly this new frontier was so much easier to navigate. It became fun!

    I don’t have to look like the room. I don’t have to have the same background or ‘why’ as the people in the room. But when I listen between the words, if I can hear me in the room, it’s my room. Software development, tech, and AI, was a pivot I didn’t see coming but it taught me that you can’t judge a pivot by how familiar your surroundings are. You navigate pivots by knowing how to find yourself even in the unfamiliar.